My high need baby: High everything but sleep ;-)

by Evchen
(Denmark )

(Visitor's experience):

My baby girl is 7 months now. I recognize myself sooo much.

The only difference is that she loves meeting new people and being held by new people as long as mommy is close. It's been like that since birth.

She can't lay down by herself and play without me looking at her and engaging. If she lays by herself without complaining for 5 minutes it's good.

She loves seeing new things and looking at the world around her.

She power naps during the day, 30-60 min. At night she wakes to comfort nurse 4-7 times... So she sleeps in my armpit basically.

She's very happy to be carried around and stretches her arms out to be passed between mommy and daddy. She babbles a lot and is very social.

I think reading this was helpful to make me feel that I shouldn't try to change her behavior. My only worry is when she will go to daycare when she's 10 months and can't comfort nurse during the day...

I hope she'll be too busy making new friends and having fun.

~ Evchen ~

Comments by Positive Parenting Ally

Hi Evchen,

Thank you so much for your submission.

I'm so happy that you've found my article on high need babies useful and helpful in accepting who your baby is. Your baby girl's behavior sounds a lot like what my now 8-year-old son used to be like as a baby.

It's a funny thing, and I'm sure you've experienced that too: if we in our heads stop comparing our babies with other babies - all we can feel is peace, love and acceptance.

Imagine, if the thought that your baby girl should behave differently couldn't even enter your mind, you'd be perfectly happy with who she is - always. No matter what! Because the only thing you'd see, would be her. She'd be your whole world in that moment. And she wouldn't be a mental picture of what you think, she should be like.

At least that's how it works for me. If I just focus all my presence and attention on my son, then he cannot be anything but perfect. And there will be nothing left but love. It's only when my mind starts comparing or say that he should be this and that, that I begin to doubt myself or doubt who I think he should be.

From what I can read and sense in your writing, you sound like you are a wonderful mom and very attentive to your daughter's needs. I wouldn't worry too much about the daycare situation even though I fully understand why you feel the way you do - I felt in a similar way.

Yes, your daughter may be in for an abrupt change, but as long as she comes from a good place - is securely attached to you emotionally, there is nothing more you can do. You've done your best.

My son cried every single time I handed him over to the nursery (he started at 11 months). BUT I wasn't too affected by it (of course I'd prefer he didn't cry), but when tuning in and feeling him, my feeling was the crying didn't seem to run that deep. It seemed more like a crying of discontentment 'I don't want you to go' rather than desperation 'I really, really need you to stay'!

Also, I fully trusted the staff, they seemed great - loving and caring - and when listening at the door when leaving, I could hear that the crying stopped very soon after I handed him over.

My best advise is always to put your analytical, mental brain away for a moment and just tune in and really connect with your child. As I'm sure you already know, that's the best way to get a sense of how's she's doing and hence if there is anything else, you should be doing than what you already are doing.

I hope this helps :-)

All the best,
Birgitte (Positive Parenting Ally)