Just Waking up to an Ugly Reality

by Debbie

Visitor's story:
I am a 66 year old daughter of a mom who is a narcissist.

My 3 sisters and I suffered from her abuse all our lives. My brother was never abused. My father never stepped in to protect us from her verbal assaults, humiliation, lying, regular abandonment, criticism, demeaning, embarrassing and accusing words.

I have no memory of ever being held, told I was delighted in, and rarely praised for anything. She was and still is (she is 94 now) the same way.

My sister and I were talking yesterday, and we both feel it will be a relief when she passes away. I know we will grieve, but we will be grieving never having a real mother.

Both my sister and I take mom shopping, and all the errands she wants to do every week. When I am with her, she demeans my sister and vice versa. It's tiring, frustrating, maddening and unbearably sad.

My sister and I are both Christians and have felt like we needed to "honor our mother" by not speaking up to her. I believed for years that the way I felt about my mother was sinful and self pitying. But now I'm in Christian counselling and learning to set boundaries, speak up when I need to, and maybe the most liberating right now - feeling the anger that I've buried for years.

I've struggled with depression, self-harming behaviors, doubts about God's love for me and His forgiveness, etc. I could share 40+ years of horror stories about my life, but I'm already tired of typing.

Hearing peoples stories has helped me to realize what's been happening in my life, and I'm so grateful to all of you who write. This is the first time I've ever written on a blog.

I hope it helps someone.

Blessings,
Debbie

Comments for Just Waking up to an Ugly Reality

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Aug 13, 2024
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Thank you so much NEW
by: Anonymous

You are so right. It is not from God. That is what I had to realise. I still struggle with forgiving my mother for the things she did. But still on the journey of healing process and realise I am not to blame and I am loved by God and he loves me which was so hard because I felt unloved by my own mother and worst of all abandon and betrayed. thank you for telling your story

Aug 13, 2024
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Thank you so much NEW
by: Anonymous

Thank you so much for telling your story, I really can relate to your story and have a child and now single parent. I was kick of my home and left on the street because my mum favour my brothers more than me. She would emotional abuse me and control me if I never did what she wanted me to do. I also did errands for my mum. I thought she love me then one day she told my brothers to tell me I had to leave I had no where to go and my son was 7 years. I was so scare because me and my son where on the streets and became homeless. I thought how can my mother do this to us. I felt betrayed and abandoned by my own family. It still hurts and still feel to this day. I pray everyday for this pain to end. I grieve her like she was dead because that was the only way I could cope with the massive betrayal that she did to me and her grandson. We have no family just me and my son. She is 91 and my brother will never tell us she has pass away when the time come. I have no contact because it was the best thing to do for me to cope. They didn't care whether we had food to eat or a roof over our head. So I find it very hard to forgive her for the pain she has cause us.

Jul 22, 2019
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Thank you
by: Anonymous

I am 53 and an only child of divorced parents. I always knew my mother was strange in many ways... but always claimed ... " I would never do that to my own daughter...." I have never seen one picture of her holding me or hugging me. I find this very strange. She divorced my dad and married a man she had an affair with. Within a few years it was obvious she did not want me to have communication with his adult children. She became very suspicious and angry at any interactions I have had with them. She constantly tells me not to trust them... there was a golden daughter, but she was recently replaced by the son... that was the most horrible person... according to her and stepdad until they became angry at former golden. I recently spoke to former golden. Mother and husband found out about it and she came unglued. She raged and screamed about how I had hurt them and made them sick by speaking to former golden. I asked her not to speak to me like that. She was more enraged. She keeps leaving "benign" voice mail messages, but I do not have the energy to speak to her.

Oct 18, 2018
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I'm so glad I found this site
by: Anonymous

I'm so glad I found this site, and that you shared your story. I am a Christian who grew up under narcissistic parents, and they too would use Christianity to justify their abuse. It frustrates me. They would use the common verses like children obey your parents, and honor your father and mother to get my siblings and I to comply. Now I am struggling to see who God really is for myself. I want to believe that he is a God of love and compassion, but then I can't escape how my parents would manipulate the scriptures to enforce their own will. Reading your story brought me one step closer to the healing process. Now I know that God is not a God of abuse, control, humiliation, and fear. But he is a God of love. And if it is not love, it is not of God.

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