How My Narcissistic Mother Created Her Own Narcissistic Daughter

by Lisa
(Pennsylvania)

Visitor's story:

In reading Deep Insights, I saw my mother all over the place. Controlling, sadistic, unfulfilled, living vicariously through me (the youngest of three daughters), punishing, reckless, depressed, suicidal ... the list could go on for paragraphs. After much reading, I believe she was borderline. She also had MDD.

I've done a lot of intense NLP and TPM therapy to resolve the numerous traumas I experienced because of my mother and father.

I took care of my mother for 30 years after my father died, but I did so at a distance, literally three hours away. We had a close relationship. We often visited by phone, and I was able to have deep, intellectual conversations with her as she aged. As she was passing away two years ago, I sat next to her and held her hand, watching her as she took her last breath. And this raises the issue of my middle sister.

She was also present at our mother's passing, but she wouldn't stop talking. As I sat holding my mother's hand and looking at her, I finally told my sister I couldn't hear a thing she was saying because our mother was dying. She stopped talking. And Mom peacefully passed over.

Since then, I have moved out of state to return to my home state, and I bought a house just 10 minutes from this sister. In under two months, her narcissism has wrecked any chance of a relationship because, in therapy, I learned how to have ... and enforce ... healthy boundaries.

This, of course, shocked my sister. She was divorced by a narcissist, had been married to another one years ago, and she could never imagine that she herself is narcissistic.

In reading Deep Insights, I saw her right there next to our mother. Controlling, critical, demeaning, insulting, no empathy whatsoever (only what was pretended), demanding (always with a smile on her face). It's truly creepy.

This sister has one grown daughter. My niece had her first child almost a year ago and will not communicate with her mother. Nor will she allow her mother near her son. She went so far as to un-invite my sister from the baby shower. My sister blames this behavior on her ex-husband, his addictions, the divorce, her new son-in-law ... anyone but herself.

Both of my parents are dead, my oldest sister is living a life of such dysfunction I can hardly describe it, and now I've had to let go of the last member of my family of origin.

The separation is strange, but my own daughter, with whom I have a wonderful relationship, has told me that I'm much happier since I walked away from this last sibling. Sad but necessary for my emotional and mental health.

So, again, I detach with love. I will keep my heart open and my door closed. Such is the price of choosing health over dysfunction.