Heartbroken in California

by Linda
(California )

Visitor's story:

I am concerned for my 9yr old granddaughter.

My son is no longer with her mother. He's in another relationship and has 2 adorable children who are 6 months old and 4 yrs old. I love them so much but the only thing missing is my 9yr old granddaughter. Her mom doesn't want her near us and I don't know why.

I've been in her life since day one, but recently her mom has stopped my granddaughter from visiting me and her dad who is my son. It's horrible that my granddaughter's mom won't let her see us.

I am heart broken and I know my granddaughter feels bad also. I don't know what to do anymore. I am at an end. Her mom is so selfish. It's always been about her and NOT my granddaughter's weak being.

So if someone can give me some advice, it would be appreciated. So depressed and sad about not seeing my granddaughter. I've always been there for her and take her shopping, now I don't get to see her anymore don't understand it 😞

Positive Parenting Ally's comment:

Dear Linda,

I'm so sorry for the pain you're feeling. I can fully understand how frustrating and powerless such a situation must feel.

Even though I have no personal experience with your situation, I think that what I would do, would be to try and communicate with the mother of your granddaughter. And by communicating I mean being honest, but still loving and kind.

Even though I don't know anything about your prior relationship, I would consider writing her a mail, or even better, a letter.

In that letter (and without trying to make the mother feel guilty) I would be honest about your love for and desire to be with your granddaughter - how much you desire to be a part of her life and to enrich her life with whatever wonderful things you can add to it.

All depending on your past, I might add (if it were me) that I have no intention of 'taking her away' from her mother. And if you know how much your granddaughter loves her mother, I would write that too. In other words, I would be as kind and open as possible - while still being honest of course.

Metaphorically, I would view that letter as reaching out a kind, loving, non-threatening and non-judgmental hand. Maybe there was even something you could help the mother with to make her everyday life easier. If there was, I would mention that, too.

Such a love strategy might feel counter intuitive at the moment, but in my experience giving love is the best way to receive it back. I find that in general people find it very difficult to resist love and kindness in the long run.

Regardless of whether you choose this way or an other, I wish you and your loved ones the very best, Linda.
Birgitte (Positive-Parenting-Ally.com)