Controlling Doesn't Even Begin To Describe It

by Gina
(Michigan)

Visitor's story:

At age 57, I have no good memories of my narcissist father, and here are a 'few' reasons why:

1. He would never do anything with the family unless the activity was something HE wanted to do.

2. He would never give a compliment or encourage. Never. If something good happened to me, he would shrug and walk off, or belittle, or mock, or say something demeaning or sarcastic. And I should point out here that I was a good student and never in trouble. A goody two-shoes type, if you will.

3. He would criticize every decision I made. It has taken me half a lifetime to have confidence in even the simplest of decisions and my own intelligence.

4. He would often 'pretend he doesn't see me' (walk by repeatedly without eye contact as if I am a ghost); but go out of his way to embarrass me in front of all outsiders (like telling my second grade teacher to feel free to spank me whenever necessary. Really. I am not kidding.) This also includes put-downs in front of relatives on holidays.

5. Gaslight/give bad advice or withhold advice on purpose and/or blind-side. In other words, he would orchestrate no-win situations for me to deal with, and play innocent and even lie when confronted later on about the whole fiasco.

There is more. MUCH more.

But you get the gist. My point of all of this is to recommend to GET AWAY from people like this! They will not and cannot change.

Distance is, in my experience, the best remedy. The mind games and verbal abuse ends, and you get your life back.

-- And it is YOUR LIFE. The sacrifice is worth it. Go and be happy, you deserve it.

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Jul 27, 2018
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I am just 27 and finally move out
by: Anonymous

I am not far from them, but I really thought that everything was going to get better. I have overcome many obstacles and manage to get my own life back. However, she sometimes still manages to get to me, with stories about my father, for example, that he encounters health problems because I don't visit, text, or call often. But it is just hard for me to go back to the house where I encounter so much pain or talk to the man that doesn't defends me and left me live 21 years of my life without an identity, without true love, without a choice. Just yesterday July 27, 2018 my boyfriend showed me this site that talks about narcissist parents because I was devastate of a call she made to me while working, where she blames me of my father health. So , him tire of seen me suffer like this show me this site and told me that this is who my step mother is, a narcissist parent. After, reading the whole article, I now understand who she is and why she does what she does. This is sad, painful, and scary to me. And I really don't know if leaving is the solution because I will not be abandoning my narcissist step mother, but my father, brothers, and sister.

May 08, 2018
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Me too
by: Cleve

I too am 57 and have a father who was critical of everything I did and was always putting me down. I'm just trying to reconcile his behavior and move on.

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