2 Narcissistic Parents and Profound Loneliness

by Anonymous

Visitor's story:

I have been in therapy for about 1.5 years now. I have been in no contact with my mother (who has full-blown NPD with sociopathic traits) for the same amount of time.

I have maintained contact with my narcissistic father, which is fraught with pain and difficulty. I was abused sexually, physically, and emotionally by my mother. I was abused emotionally by my father. My parents divorced when I was young.

The past year-and-a-half has been liberating and extremely painful. Luckily, I have a dear friend who is going through the same process with her narcissistic parents; otherwise, I would be completely alone. My therapist is amazingly insightful, but I know that she is there because I pay her to be, and I can't do that forever.

I struggle with many things, and loneliness is the hardest part. My parents (and my sibling) don't see me, hear me, or care to. I keep hoping for some glimmer of recognition from any of them, but there is none. I walk alone and every day make the choice to work on healing despite the fact that almost no one in my life understands.

I am trying to become my own 'compassionate witness'. I am trying to be proud of myself for my bravery, for my sheer willpower to walk the path of healing, for sacrificing unhealthy bonds in exchange for freedom. It's hard knowing that my family isn't proud of me and that for the rest of my life and theirs they will most likely never understand, will never appreciate, will never heal, will never SEE ME. I am the outcast, the lost child, the scapegoat, the dark horse - to them.

I spend most of my time now with people who do see me, do care about me, do know me, do love me. And at times I can hardly believe it - that I actually matter to them and am real and distinct and celebrated.

And yet, it doesn't make it any less painful to be apart and unseen by my closest kin. It's an open wound in my heart and bleeds all day every day.

It is still completely worth it though. My bleeding heart is real, and I choose to honor it. And I just keep choosing to breathe. I feel alive, everyday more than the day before. I wish they could join me.

All the best to all of you.

~ Anonymous ~

Comments for 2 Narcissistic Parents and Profound Loneliness

Average Rating

Click here to add your own comments

Jun 16, 2023
Rating

I feel everything you feel
by: Anonymous jt

Wow I read this and it is exactly how I feel about my parents and sister. They are so toxic that I started distancing myself from them. No body in my life understands the brevity of my situation so I don’t tell them much. I am sorry you are also feeling all these things that I’m feeling. It’s painful lonely yet peaceful being away. I guess I should be strong since technically they were never truly show they love or care for me so I should understand the distance is no different. It’s hard when you feel guilty or alone tho. Sigh. Thank you for your post. I feel so understood by you. And know that I luv and appreciate you! We are strong and aware xoxoxo

Feb 28, 2018
Rating

5 YEARS LATER
by: Anonymous

I stepped away from my parents and sister nearly 5 years ago.

I have a loving husband of 28 years and 3 beautiful grown up children. I am self employed and have established my career with hard work and determination.

I was never good enough for my parents. I never felt they were proud of me. My sister could do no wrong. The final straw was when they told me that I had let them down and had always let them down.

As a parent I needed to make that break from them. Ive had counselling and its been a long road but Im over the worst now. It still hurts, but not as much. I surround myself with everyone who loves me for who I am NOT who they want me to be.

Nov 22, 2017
Rating

OMG!
by: Anonymous

I had to come to terms with having N parents around ten years ago.

I literally moved to another country, had two more children, and have had no contact with them since.

I have so many friends, some of whom who are like sisters to me....... yes, maybe weirs for my kids because they aren't around their "flesh and blood" but they are around families who are loving and whom we love and who love us.

GET OUT OF THERE!!!!!!!!

Aug 11, 2017
Rating

I am proud of you
by: Anonymous

I feel your pain and there were tears in my eyes when I read your story. I too have cut off all contact more than 2 years ago with my family of origin. I feel alone and no want understands me. We should be proud of ourselves for being brave to walk away. The price we pay for freedoom. Take care and keep loving yourself.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Narcissist Parenting Story.